A lady walked up and said to Calvin Coolidge “I’ve bet my husband I can make you say 3 words this evening” to which he replied “You lose”.

A M00se once bit my sister … Mynd you, m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti … -Monty Python-

An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts. -John Junor-

Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk. -Bessie Braddock- Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly. -Winston Churchill-

What it all comes down to is, dyslexics have more nuf.

Here are two tickets to my new play. Bring a friend, if you have one. -George Bernard Shaw- Sorry, but I can’t make it to the opening night performance. Please send me tickets to the second performance, if there is one. -Winston Churchill-

Mr. Churchill, must you fall asleep while I’m speaking? -long winded speaker- No, it’s purely voluntary. -Winston Churchill-

Every time you assume characters are ASCII, God kills a kitten. -Brian Gordon-

Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee. -Nancy Astor- Nancy, if you were my wife I’d drink it. -Winston Churchill-

Women are to blame for the lies men tell when they keep on asking questions.