Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.

I take artificial sweetener and nondairy creamer in my decaffeinated coffee.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

I wanted to major in mathematics, but I knew I didn’t want to teach.

Twitter lets you know most people’s lives are just as boring as yours. -Loretta Lockhorn, “The Lockhorns”-

Money is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. -Ambrose Bierce (alt)-

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable. -Mark Twain-

The younger generation has no internal concept of the phrase “to dial a phone number.”

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither safety nor liberty. -Benjamin Franklin-