How can they tell? -Dorothy Parker (on being informed that Calvin Coolidge was dead)-

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. -Salvador Dali-

The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away. -Tom Waits-

Civil War: Why didn’t you whip the Confederates in sixty days, as you said you would? -British man- Because we found we had Americans to fight this time, not Englishmen. -Henry Ward Beecher-

A lady walked up and said to Calvin Coolidge “I’ve bet my husband I can make you say 3 words this evening” to which he replied “You lose.”

Three things are certain … Death, taxes, and lost data … Guess which has occurred. (error messages in haiku)