Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is! -(Alka Seltzer)-

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice. -Major Sidney Theodore Freedman, “M*A*S*H”-

I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one. But if I had my druthers, I’druther see than be one.

Did ya hear about the lady who was walking alongside the runway and got hit by a plane propeller? Disaster!

Living in Papua New Guinea has spoiled me. I used to think I’d be happy at 74 degrees but now I like it a lot at 80.

As I travel I find a general feeling abroad that Americans are arrogant. I tell my international friends it’s not so much that we are arrogant but simply ignorant.

Ona long God istap antap, na long graun gutpela taim ol manmeri; God i laikim tumas.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

Thank God for the last minute. Otherwise, a lot of stuff wouldn’t get done.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?