Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. -found on Facebook-

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors … it’s a job I can see myself doing. -found on Facebook-

I could insult your intelligence, but then you probably wouldn’t understand the insult.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (Only a fraction of people will find this funny.) -found on Facebook-

When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic. -found on Facebook-

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? -found on Facebook-

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too. -found on Facebook-

If it happened once, it can happen again. Something is either possible or impossible. If it happened, it cannot be impossible. If it is possible, it can happen. If it happened once, it can happen again.

I poured my root beer into a square cup, now I just have beer. -found on Facebook-