I just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap. -Found on Facebook-

God said it, I believe it, and that settles it.

There is no lighter burden, nor more agreeable, than a pen. Other pleasures fail us or wound us while they charm, but the pen we take up rejoicing and lay down with satisfaction, for it has the power to advantage not only its lord and master, but many others as well, even though they be far away — sometimes, indeed, though they be not born for thousands of years to come. -Petrarch-

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. Ask the infantry and ask the dead. -Ernest Hemingway-

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. -Groucho Marx-

Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.

I take artificial sweetener and nondairy creamer in my decaffeinated coffee.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

I wanted to major in mathematics, but I knew I didn’t want to teach.

Twitter lets you know most people’s lives are just as boring as yours. -Loretta Lockhorn, “The Lockhorns”-