Alcohol & Fats: The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

There’s nothing like a good spoonerism to tickle your bunny phone.

Veteran: It’s not that I can and others can’t, it’s that I did and others didn’t. -found on Facebook-

(How do you get over there?) You can’t get there from here. (Well, how did the people over there get there?) They went down to the bridge and went across.

For there is no friend like a sister / In calm or stormy weather; / To cheer one on the tedious way, / To fetch one if one goes astray, / To lift one if one totters down, / To strengthen whilst one stands. -Christina Rossetti-

To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible. -Calvin, “Calvin & Hobbes”-

Life is a four-letter word. -Lenny Bruce-

What is today but yesterday’s tomorrow? -Adam Nagella-

The time has come, the Walrus said, to speak of many things / Of ships and shoes and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings / Of why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. -Lewis Carroll-

We could save more lives by taking away pens from Democrats than we could by taking away guns from innocent people. -found on Facebook-