DOS n. A series of fatal PC viruses distributed by Microsoft. -Computer Contradictionary-

A lady’s toolkit: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move but should, put WD-40 on it. If it moves but shouldn’t, duct tape it.

Where there is love there is no question. -Albert Einstein-

Part I: It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out! A door slammed. The maid screamed. ¶ Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! ¶ While millions of people were starving, the king lived in luxury. Meanwhile, on a small farm in Kansas, a boy was growing up.

Look, we play the Star Spangled Banner before every game. You want us to pay income taxes, too? -Bill Veeck-

So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend. -Robert Louis Stevenson-

This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is, inherently, of no value. -Western Union internal memo, 1876-

You’re the kind of person who would throw a drowning man an anchor.

When the wise man points at the Moon, the idiot looks at the finger. -Confucious-

You may fire when you are ready, Gridley. -Commodore George Dewey, USN, 1 May 1898-