If I blow this one, they’ll take me off morgue detail and put me on something worse. (What could be worse?) I don’t let myself think about it. -Lt. “Digger” Daetwyler, “M*A*S*H”-

The older I get the more room I have to give God in my doctrinal understanding to do what He is going to do. -Pastor Bob Hallman, Crossroads Christian Fellowship, Kauai, Hawaii-

I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. -Woody Allen-

New Zealand’s national icon is the kiwi which is a small nocturnal bird that is round and brown, and furry. They should not be confused with kiwi fruit, which is also round and brown, and furry. New Zealanders are sometimes called Kiwis, and some of us are round and brown, as well. -Paul, tourguide with Toru Tours, Auckland-

If you ever want to lose an argument with a woman, start one. -Leroy Lockhorn, “The Lockhorns”-

I promise you a police car on every sidewalk. -Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.-

You can try to understand, but it only hurts.

“Loved the wedding. Invite me to the marriage.” -God-

Don’t bother me right now. I’m having a Microsoft migraine moment.

The future ain’t what it used to be. -Yogi Berra-