A C programmer is one who, when told not to run with scissors, responds “it should be ‘don’t trip with scissors.’ I never trip.” -James Iry-

Sure, she looks good in a uniform but you get her out of it and she doesn’t have a thing on. -Capt. B.F. “Hawkeye” Pierce, “M*A*S*H”-

It doesn’t matter if you feel useful when you’re moving from one disaster to another. The trick, I suppose, is just to keep moving. -Fr. Mulcahey, “M*A*S*H”-

Reading the Bible in context is a little like having an intercultural experience. -Ken Schenck-

Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce, special orders don’t upset us, all we ask is that you let us serve it your way. -(Burger King)-

Vodka is made from potatoes, and a potato is a vegetable. Therefore, vodka is a salad.

The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, “I was wrong.” -Sydney J. Harris-

Among peoples of quality, a wife should always be a reasonable and agreeable companion, because she cannot always be young. -Jonathan Swift, “Gulliver’s Travels”-

It is not our task to tell the people what they want to hear. It is our task to tell the people what in some future day they wish they had heard. -Lancelot Andrewes, confessor to Elizabeth I-

A few cobras in your home will soon clear it of rats and mice. Of course, you will still have the cobras. -Will Cuppy-