Two mosquitoes find a tourist in Florida. Says one: Shall we eat him here or take him back to the Everglades? The other: Better eat him here. If we take him back the bigger mosquitoes might take him away from us.

Ecclesiastes said there’d be days like this. -Ken Schenck-

“If you must curse, use your own name.” -God-

The titles on Hawaii Five-Oh were done by Reza S. Badiyi.

In Seattle you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running. -Jeff Bezos-

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Levántense, vámonos de aquí. -Jesús (Juan 14:31 RVC)-

It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first. -Ronald Reagan-

(Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?) Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. -found on Facebook-

Some people are like Slinkies — not really good for much, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. -found on Facebook-