When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. -found on Facebook-

People with homicidal tendencies should just get a dog. Puppy kisses can cool maniacal rage like nothing else. -Rebecca Nagella-

I love the smell of carbureted fuel in the morning. -Glen Welden-

I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow’s not looking good, either.

A funny old bird is a pelican, His beak will hold more than his belican, He can take in his beak Enough food for a week But I don’t know how the helican. -Dixon Lanier Merritt-

Love is in the air. No, wait; that’s barbecue. Never mind. -found on Facebook-

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. -Leonardo da Vinci-

One of life’s best coping mechanisms is to know the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you’ve got a problem. Everything else is an inconvenience. Life is inconvenient. Life is lumpy. A lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat and a lump in the breast are not the same kind of lump. One needs to learn the difference. -Robert Fulghum-

I enjoy living in the past. It’s less expensive, and I’m young(er). -Dan Walker-

Mr. President, you are a sinner. I am a sinner. We are all sinners and we all need to turn to God. -Archbishop Fulton Sheen, National Prayer Breakfast, January 1979-