Why is it when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us, we’re said to be schizophrenic? -Lily Tomlin-

♫ Sometimes you feel like a nut ♪ / Sometimes you don’t ♪ / Almond Joy’s got nuts ♪ / Mounds don’t ♪ / because … ♫

The first rats off of the sinking ship are the best swimmers.

He’s everything she looks for in a man. He’s single. -Andy Taylor, “The Andy Griffith Show”-

¿Cómo va la carrera de ratas? Las ratas están ganando.

By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

Status is the public knowledge that you possess assets that would allow you to help others if you wished to. -Steven Pinker-

The more you run over a dead squirrel, the flatter it gets.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.