Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats. -Howard H. Aiken-

Did you hear about the absent minded professor, who kissed the trolley goodbye and rode his wife to work?

Don’t laugh, it only encourages him.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. -Mark Twain-

Rubber baby buggy bumpers.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes. -Dave Barry-

The secretarial staff keeps decks of cards in their desk drawers so they have something to do when the computers go down.

Colorless green ideas sleep furiously. -Noam Chomsky-

And all of a sudden, the audience realized I had a talent. They were right. I did have a talent — and I was married to her for 38 years. -George Burns-