Why is it when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us, we’re said to be schizophrenic? -Lily Tomlin-

The first rats off of the sinking ship are the best swimmers.

¿Cómo va la carrera de ratas? Las ratas están ganando.

The more you run over a dead squirrel, the flatter it gets.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.