A M00se once bit my sister … Mynd you, m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti … -Monty Python-

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up. -Ogden Nash-

The journey of a thousand miles must begin with wondering if you turned off the iron. -William Rotlser-

It’s only weird if it doesn’t work. -(Bud Light)-

Every time you assume characters are ASCII, God kills a kitten. -Brian Gordon-

What do you think of Western civilization? -reporter- I think it would be a good idea. -Mohandas Gandhi-

(Female interviewer:) Don’t you think it’s irresponsible to teach shooting to young boys? You’re equipping them to become violent killers. (Reply:) Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you? -General Cosgrove (probably fictional)-

Support the Math Illiteracy Tax: buy lottery tickets!

If you shoot enough messengers, you will stop receiving bad news.

Sunrise always works. -Joy Gresham Lewis-