There have always been days when I ask myself, “So, am I the cup bearer or the baker?” -Ken Schenck-

My dreams are in basic black and white, but my nightmares, on the other hand, are in vivid, lifelike color! -Brutus Thornapple, “The Born Loser”-

Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers. -found on Facebook-

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed. -found on Facebook-

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors … it’s a job I can see myself doing. -found on Facebook-

I could insult your intelligence, but then you probably wouldn’t understand the insult.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (Only a fraction of people will find this funny.) -found on Facebook-

When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic. -found on Facebook-

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? -found on Facebook-

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.