One, two, five … (Three sir!) … oh yes, three! -Monty Python-

The wounded just keep coming. The only common denominator is blood; it’s all red and we have too much of it leaking out around here. -Capt. B.F. “Hawkeye” Pierce, “M*A*S*H”-

All human relationships are doomed to end in pain. That’s the price we pay for love. -Douglas Grisham-

Programmer: an organism that turns coffee into software.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution. -Albert Einstein-

I once converted meters per second to furlongs per fortnight to make the point about the clumsiness of English units.

Velvet put-downs: He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. -Oscar Wilde-

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from Hades.

Velvet put-downs: She is a peacock in everything but beauty. -Oscar Wilde-