Euphemism is a euphemism for lying. -Bobbie Gentry-

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. Ask the infantry and ask the dead. -Ernest Hemingway-

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. -Groucho Marx-

I take artificial sweetener and nondairy creamer in my decaffeinated coffee.

God said it, I believe it, and that settles it.

Money is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. -Ambrose Bierce (alt)-

Twitter lets you know most people’s lives are just as boring as yours. -Loretta Lockhorn, “The Lockhorns”-

The younger generation has no internal concept of the phrase “to dial a phone number.”

I wanted to major in mathematics, but I knew I didn’t want to teach.