Civil War: Why didn’t you whip the Confederates in sixty days, as you said you would? -British man- Because we found we had Americans to fight this time, not Englishmen. -Henry Ward Beecher-

Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk. -Bessie Braddock- Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly. -Winston Churchill-

And in the final words of Socrates: “I drank what?”

What it all comes down to is, dyslexics have more nuf.

Mr. Churchill, must you fall asleep while I’m speaking? -long winded speaker- No, it’s purely voluntary. -Winston Churchill-

The journey of a thousand miles must begin with wondering if you turned off the iron. -William Rotlser-

What do you think of Western civilization? -reporter- I think it would be a good idea. -Mohandas Gandhi-

Every time you assume characters are ASCII, God kills a kitten. -Brian Gordon-

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up. -Ogden Nash-

If you shoot enough messengers, you will stop receiving bad news.