There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

I have seen the truth and it doesn’t make as much sense as you think.

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

Two carpenters are hammering nails into the side of a house, and one asks the other why he is examining each nail as he takes it out of the box and throwing half of them away. “They’re defective,” replies the second carpenter, holding one up. “The pointy end is facing the wrong way.” “You fool! Those are for the other side of the house!”

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.