Did ya hear about the lady who was walking alongside the runway and got hit by a plane propeller? Disaster!

♫ Starkle, starkle, little twink. ♪ / Who in the world you are I think. ♪ / The drunker I stand the longer I get. ♪ / I’m not under the alcoflunce of incohol some thinkle peep I am. ♫

Failure to plan ahead on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

As I travel I find a general feeling abroad that Americans are arrogant. I tell my international friends it’s not so much that we are arrogant but simply ignorant.

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice. -Major Sidney Theodore Freedman, “M*A*S*H”-

I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one. But if I had my druthers, I’druther see than be one.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. -Salvador Dali-

Thank God for the last minute. Otherwise, a lot of stuff wouldn’t get done.

So, other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?