Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice. -Major Sidney Theodore Freedman, “M*A*S*H”-

I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one. But if I had my druthers, I’druther see than be one.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. -Salvador Dali-

Thank God for the last minute. Otherwise, a lot of stuff wouldn’t get done.

So, other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

You’ve got a point there but if you wear a hat nobody will notice.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but they have to check when you say the paint is wet?

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

A lady walked up and said to Calvin Coolidge “I’ve bet my husband I can make you say 3 words this evening” to which he replied “You lose”.

A M00se once bit my sister … Mynd you, m00se bites Kan be pretty nasti … -Monty Python-